For centuries, we’ve tried to create the ultimate super-soldier to no avail, but has anyone ever stopped to think, “Hey. What if we just strap an ax and shield onto a bear, and call it a day?”. So many of our problems could be solved with a Battle Bear. Longline at Costco? Battle Bear. Need help fending off your problematic cousins at the family reunion? Battle Bear. Have to be at work early in the morning, but your roommate stole your car, and is now in a nationally televised high-speed chase? Battle Bear. Trapped within the grasp of a demigod, dangling over the edge of an active volcano in an attempt to impress the love of your life, and save your trusty half horse, half Mediterranean monk seal sidekick, Brian? Battle Bear. Need a black five-point three-ounce, 100% cotton, with a classic fit, and Rib cuffs, topped off by a hand-sewn Star Cadet icon label on the hem? Battle Bear.